Avoidant Emotional Style

Karen said...

"Once I learned how my adrenalin floods
affected everything I did, life became
much more enjoyable and easier".

I have always gone along with what other people wanted, deferred to their wishes and opinions, in order to manage my adrenalin levels. My happiness came from harmony in my environment, as conflict or even potential conflict, resulted in adrenalin floods. If I perceived that a person may judge me, disapprove of me, be disappointed or feel let down by me, I would feel so dreadful that I would go out of my way to ensure that this did not happen. Once I've had an adrenalin flood I need to process it out of my body and "return to normal". After conflict it takes me a long while to "warm up" again - hence Mike's suggestion of the egg-timer!

I experience my negative emotion intensely (the burden of the highly sensitive person) and avoid any situation that may potentially cause an escalation of that feeling - the avoidant emotional style. I was an obedient teenager (lest my parents be cross with me), a diligent student (lest my teacher think badly of me), helpful to all (lest people dislike me because I was selfish) and a wife that withdrew and internalised in order to avoid conflict. I am learning that my avoidant behaviour - the flight response - impacts on Mike who feels punished and excluded. Mike says, "Because you have an avoidant emotional style doesn't mean that you have a monopoly on negative emotion". This is something I need to be constantly aware of and recognise when considering the impact of my behaviour on others. My appreciation of how I deal with my emotion has improved immeasurably my over all well-being. I feel energised to share with others how managing my avoidant emotional style releases adrenalin from my body making me emotionally well.

Read on Reactive Emotional Style